Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Special Relationships

This is in response to a post Kristen wrote.

Everyone always talks about how the checking out part of shidduchim has gotten out of hand. People ask the strangest and most irrelevant questions – does the family use plastic table cloths on Shabbos? What size is the girl? What size shoe is the boy? I'm sure you all can think of more.

What many people forget is that, though it has gotten nutty, there is a reason behind the questions. Maybe not those questions, but it is important to look into the family before possibly joining your future to his.

Kristen talks about how whenever she starts a relationship, she worries when to tell him about her brother. That is one thing that I don't have to worry about. My family doesn't hide my sister. We never have. While I didn't mention her on my shidduch profile/resume/whatever you want to call it, anyone asking about medical issues in my family will hear about her. We don't emphasize the fact that I have a special sibling, but we couldn't hide it even if we wanted to.

And right there is a reason behind all the questions. For me, at least, my sister acts as a filter to get rid of inappropriate possibilities. No one marrying me is marrying my sister, but she is a part of me. And if someone can't accept her as part of my life, he is not the right someone for me. He might be a great, amazing person … for someone else.

That said, it's hard to be rejected. For whatever reason. I daven (pray) every day that I will have the strength to accept any rejections that may come my way and to not blame my sister for them. Not only is it not her fault, it is to my benefit not to waste time and emotional energy on a relationship that will go nowhere because of his inability to accept my sister.


Staying Afloat said...

So glad you weighed in on this. I've been thinking about this lately, praying that the mishegas dies down before my kids grow up. Because I don't like having to think twice before getting a kid a diagnosis, or whatever. But such a perspective here, that my virtue of your family situation you will get someone with built in compassion. He may not have all the everyday ins and outs, but he'll have to have the compassion.

itsagift said...

Wow. Whoever gets you is one lucky guy!

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